What does it feel like to be addicted?
In this section we discuss what it looks and feels like for a person who is in active addiction. We also look at the stages of change to give you an idea of where you may be in your personal transformation.
How does addiction happen?
Here we examine the necessary conditions and research findings that help explain why people become addicted.
Treatment for addiction.
In the final section, we take a look at some of the methods we use at Crow City Counseling to treat people with addiction issues. We also provide a list of resources for higher levels of care and more information about addiction and substance use.
What does it feel like to be addicted?
Active addiction generally looks the same for everyone regardless of the substance (alcohol, cocaine, heroin, food, etc.) or the behavior (sex, gambling, shopping, video games, self-harm, etc.). These actions are simply a person’s attempt to regulate their internal state. For anyone entrenched in active addiction there is a familiar cycle that plays out. It begins with a stressful event, difficult or confusing feelings, negative thoughts or shame evoking or traumatic memories. Next comes the compulsion to extinguish those uncomfortable feelings. It is in this stage of the cycle that the thought of getting a fix, finding the next drink, or buying that new thing becomes all-encompassing. It’s the only thing you can think about until you get it, because it’s the only thing that’s going to take these awful and unwanted feelings away. The compulsion itself becomes unbearable. If there’s a component of chemical dependence after you’ve developed a tolerance to a substance, such as alcohol or heroin for example, you’re very likely feeling physically ill at this stage as well. Then, finally, you get your fix. You can now relax as the warm, tingly, comforting feeling washes over your body and calms your mind. Or, in relation to behavioral addictions, the mind quiets and the stress is relieved with the escape into video games, engagement with a new sexual partner, or the self-harm ritual is completed. Now you’re likely spending these moments of clarity thinking about how you want to quit being addicted, and tell yourself that you’re never going to do this again, as the feelings of shame take over. Until, of course, the fleeting feelings of calm wear off or a new stressor is introduced, and then you’re back to the compulsion stage again.
If you’re familiar with this process, you likely feel as if no one sees you or that you seldom feel understood. It’s also likely that you feel like you don’t understand or know yourself. It’s an incredibly lonely experience. The nature of addiction demands isolation because the substances or behaviors have negative impacts on you, and on those around you. Eventually, your world becomes smaller and smaller as you make more room for the addiction.
In recovery circles there is a lot of talk about the idea of hitting ‘rock bottom’ before you’re really ready to quit using substances, but what people often fail to mention is that you get to choose what your rock bottom is. Ultimately, you choose when you’re ready to move into recovery, and you don’t have to wait for your world to fall apart before doing so. Your bottom could be as simple as a hangover, or as complicated as decades of shame and exhaustion from continued use.
Each stage described above has damaging effects for any person experiencing them directly, as well as the people in their lives. Difficult and confusing emotions can be quite uncomfortable and cause us to be short with or withdrawn from the people around us. It can be a distraction from work or staying present with people you care about. If you have stress that you don’t know how to manage, your body is also producing stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline which can cause weight gain, high blood pressure, and mood swings, to name a few. The good news is that the cycle can be stopped. You can learn to manage your stress, identify your feelings, and calm your mind without the use of substances or other damaging behaviors. If you feel ready to begin treatment click the link below to schedule a consultation with a therapist, or keep reading to find out where you may be according to the Stages of Change model.
Are you ready for change?
We can use The Transtheoretical Model to try and determine where you are in the stages of change. There are five categories of readiness or willingness, but it’s important to recognize that the model, and change itself, isn’t linear. It’s common to go from one stage to another and back again. Understanding how people typically make changes can help you to move forward with your own transformation.
Stages of Change:
Precontemplation - In the first stage, people often are not yet aware there is a problem or need for change. In some, this is grounded in denial, and in others it can mean a lack of awareness. Likely, this is the stage when others are bringing these issues to your attention or you’re feeling helpless when facing the idea of change on your own. This stage is marked by unawareness, denial, resistance, and helplessness.
Contemplation - The second stage, as the name suggests, means that someone is aware of a change that needs to be made and that they are beginning to consider a change in earnest. This stage is marked by ambivalence, indecision, inaction, and procrastination.
Preparation - This is the information gathering and planning stage. If you’re here, you’ve acknowledged that there is a change to be made and that making that change will have a positive effect on your life. This stage is essential because a goal without a plan is just a wish. If you move to make major changes in your life without a solid plan, relapse is likely to happen.
Action - This is where change actually happens. It’s time to reap the rewards of facing your issues head-on and preparing for change with considerate and comprehensive planning. It’s not uncommon for big changes to bring about other, smaller changes as well. This is where you’ll learn to be adaptive and resilient and build a sense of empowerment and agency.
Maintenance - The final stage is marked by having made a change that has lasted at least six months. This is the time for confidence building, reflecting on how these changes have impacted your life for the better, and fine tuning skills to ensure you don’t fall back into old habits.
The truth is that people in all stages of the model can use some support at different times. Knowing what stage you may be in is a good start, but there’s a lot more to consider when making life-altering changes. It’s also important to note that no matter where you are in the stages of change, there is no need to feel any shame. We all move at our own pace and change happens when we’re ready. Therapy is helpful in dealing with addiction because it gives you the opportunity to share your fears and uncertainties about making changes with an objective listener who is also trained to ask you the necessary questions in order for you to appropriately examine your life and current situation.
To learn more about the origins of addictions keep scrolling. If you’re ready to move to your next stage of change, or if you have any questions, please click on the “Contact” button and complete the form.
“The question is never ‘Why the addiction?’ but ‘Why the pain?’”
How does addiction happen?
If you ask a person how it all started they will likely reply with a story that is truly innocent, such as, partying with friends in high school or college. All you need is an innocent reason to get started, and the need to cope with life will create the reasons to keep going further into the cycle. Once a person is addicted, finding a reason to use becomes second nature and the person isn’t always immediately aware of all of the reasons they have developed for their use. The tricky question for a person who uses substances or external sources as a source of comfort is, “If it has such a negative effect on your life, why do you keep doing it?” To answer this question we examine the simple conditions that are necessary for addictions.
It’s helpful to understand the conditions in which addictions occur because it helps to clear up common misconceptions like the idea that being addicted to a substance is a moral failing, a sign of weakness, a lack of willpower, or that it’s a disease.
Only three things are needed for addiction to occur: a person who is susceptible, a potentially addictive substance, and stress.
A person is considered susceptible if they have a persistent desire to regulate their mind or body with external sources of control or comfort. Research that we discuss below examines the environment that a person is raised in that makes them more susceptible to using substances or unwanted behaviors to cope. Some of the many potentially addictive substances we have access to are alcohol, marijuana, methamphetamine, cocaine, nicotine, sugar, and caffeine. The last element, stress, well that comes in an endless supply these days.
No one escapes from stress. It’s one of the guarantees in life that should be mentioned along with death and taxes (which are both major stressors!). But not all stress is created equal. Research has identified three factors that cause stress in people: uncertainty, not having enough information, and loss of control. According to Dr. Gabor Maté in his illuminating book on addiction “In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts,” we can add to that list: “Conflict that the organism is unable to handle and isolation from emotionally supportive relationships.” As you know from being a human, these are universal experiences, but what isn’t universal is the ways we learn to deal with them. A critical component to therapy for addictions and substance use is learning and implementing new skills to cope with stress that don’t include things that have a negative impact on your life.
In addition to coping with stress, people use substances and behavioral addictions to cope with severed attachments, a lack of connection in their lives, depression, anxiety, and trauma. In the next section we examine the link between addiction and adverse childhood experiences.
Adverse Childhood Experiences
A study that was concluded in 1997 and has been replicated many times since, examined adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and their impacts on the mental and physical health of people who had these types experiences. The survey asks questions about abuse (emotional, physical, and sexual), neglect, and household challenges (witnessing violence or having a parent who was depressed or used substances). The math turned out to be quite simple, the higher the number of adverse experiences someone had as a child, the higher their risk was as an adult for chronic health issues, continued violence and abuse, and rates of addiction. To put it bluntly, the more ACEs a person has can mean a shorter lifespan, but it doesn’t have to.
Addiction specialists who were paying attention to the research on ACEs and attachment theory, began using the questionnaire as a guide for treating their clients who had been battling with issues with addiction and substance use. What they found was when people recognize the adverse experiences they had as a child and throughout their lives and were given the opportunity to work through those experiences in therapy, along with learning new coping skills to replace the substance use, they were able to let go of their addictions and live meaningful lives without depending on the substances and behaviors that had been negatively impacting their lives, many for decades.
If you’re interested in learning more about ACEs or what your own score is, click here.
“If integration creates well-being and happiness, how do we create integration? We can create integration through kind and compassionate relationships with others, and ourselves.”
Treatment for Addiction and Substance Use
There are various different schools of thought and types of treatment regarding addiction, and unfortunately, there isn’t much regulation in terms of what passes as evidence based treatment. There are also several different levels of care that are important to determine what is appropriate for the type of treatment you may need. We have included some resources below to learn more or seek higher levels of care such as detox or rehabilitation.
While abstinence is one of the goals in treatment, just getting a person to stop a behavior or quit using a substance isn’t effective in helping that person maintain a life in recovery. That is why programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) have success rates of around 5%. There are many programs, like AA, that can all have a positive impact on your recovery process. While we don’t feel that AA is an effective treatment model (and neither do the statistics), we do feel that the sense of community it can provide is beneficial, and that there is a lot of wisdom shared in those meeting rooms. Where AA and many other programs fall short is they fail to treat the underlying conditions that are creating the need for you to use substances and behaviors to cope with life.
The key to treatment for any type of addiction is to treat the whole person in a way that is non-judgmental, compassionate, and without shame. Treating the whole person means looking at all aspects of your past and current life and making space to process trauma and adverse experiences. It also means treating underlying mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Ultimately, the goal is for you to reconnect with the parts of yourself that were severed long ago and at no fault of your own.
Below is a rough outline for what treatment might look like for you here at Crow City Counseling. But please keep in mind that this brief list is in no way meant to be comprehensive, and that treatments will differ for every person as we have all had unique experiences in life and thus all have different needs.
Learn the basics of self-care.
Skills building - Learn new coping skills to deal with stress and anxiety; expand your window of tolerance for uncomfortable feelings in yourself and others; become more articulate with understanding and expressing emotions.
Earn a sense of security - We use attachment theory practices to help people who have an insecure attachment - to self and others - to develop what is called an “earned security.” We do this by creating a cohesive narrative of your life and how you came to be who you are today. This process may also include facing traumatic events from your past and uncovering the things that were supposed to happen in your life that didn’t.
Assess social supports, learn social skills, and develop a sense of community.
Address underlying mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and PTSD.
National Resources
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) - National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP
SAMHSA’s hotline is available twenty four hours a day, seven days a week and provides referral services for mental health and substance use providers.
National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)
Learn more about the ACEs study and what you can do to prevent adverse childhood experiences.
Local Resources
Northpoint Washington - Detox, rehab, and outpatient services.
Evergreen Recovery Centers - Detox, rehab, and outpatient services.
Royal Life Centers - Detox, rehab, and outpatient services.